July 11, 2013

Bad Days

This ^ is what was going through my mind (hit repeat of just one line and a blur of the other lyrics you don't know 1 million times for the next 3 days) as I swept the broken shards of our backyard door's blinds' topper (or whatever you call it). It had fallen twice and shattered the rubbery-glass material (the thingy that traps the blind inside the whole topper. Sorry I don't know what these foreign-to-me things are called) on each sides each time it fell. I was attempting to fix the broken blinds that were not aligned with their clones properly, three of them, when the topper fell on me twice. The blinds were ridiculously misaligned because my boys find it fun to play with them. I don't blame them. It's just that we are renting this house and I want to take care of it as much as we can to avoid ridiculous fees when we move out. In our past experiences where I've taken REAL GOOD CARE of the place we were renting, we were charged for things that didn't even occur or happen or break. It's pretty ridiculous how landlords and their managements take advantage sometimes.

This shattered blinds topper deal was on top of my other things that went wrong this morning. And there is still a pile of dirty dishes in the sink that I decided to leave because I was getting so flustered.

It is these kind of things that I struggle with and at the same time my source of strength - when my four-year-old didn't make it to the toilet one day while napping and accidentally spread poo everywhere (his pants, legs, bathroom floor, stairs step, and another bathroom floor), when I need my earphones and I find it all ridiculously tangled I might as well just throw it away, when I step on a toy car with pointed roofing or a piece of lego (good thing they're the huge ones, not the little ones), when J wouldn't stop shrieking at the top of his lungs because his older brother wouldn't let him have what he wanted to have, when J spills milk all over himself and on the floor, when both kids decided they don't want their naps and I was counting on that nap so I could regain my sanity by at least taking a shower, or when J wakes up a little too early from his nap, when it just seems like all elements of nature are combining against you to make you miserable hoping you'd turn into a super saiyan (anime reference), or even just because it is depressing to have another mundane day, and many other things - it's when these things happen that I feel really tested with my patience and my abilities to be a better loving wife, mother, and individual.

Of course it's not fun while it happens at the moment, but I'm sure that in the years to come it'll be things and stories that will make me laugh and think,"how was I ever so mad at that time when it seems so trivial now?" I've had my share of scoldings, always after I've told them "No" quite a lot of times and they wouldn't give heed, but I have such a big room for improvement left to try to always see the bigger picture. How we raise them now, how we discipline our kids now, will affect them in the future.

Ultimately, the important thing is trying to keep a good atmosphere in the home and filling it with love, respect, and kindness. Everything comes down to love. Would we say or do what we were about to at the moment we were flustered if we love that person? I think not. This reminds me of one thing I found on the Web (I can't find the right source):

From my own experiences, I find this true. It is so hard when the unideal way of raising a child is so engraven on you, in you, and all around your whole being, and you want to change it ... so bad. But ultimately, your love for your own family wins you over, and then you find the strength to overcome your weaknesses, especially on the bad days, and raise your own children in a more loving way. 

I don't exactly know what I'm talking about. What I know is that I am weak when it comes to these things and I can't do my responsibilities as a good parent without the help of a Higher Being, our Father in Heaven, and his "angels." 

Let us remember that it all comes down to love. When we love someone, we are kind to them, respectful to them, and we care for them. And now I must go because J decided to wake up a little too early from his nap - again. HA!

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