Six Years

Before I got married and even after then, I always heard seasoned married people (or at least had several years of experience ahead of me) that the first five years is often the hardest part of marriage, that technically it's still a honeymoon stage. You are adjusting to a new lifestyle and are considering another person in your decision-making. It's not just about you anymore. It's not an "I, My, Mine, Me" lifestyle. It's an "Us, We, Ours." You can't just make a decision, especially important life decisions, on your own. Well you can if you want to, but that is not how marriage works.

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I also heard and read and was told about many other advice or words of wisdom. Like for example, "You can't change your spouse, but you can change yourself." When one of my closest friends in college was getting married, we were walking to the cafeteria when she asked me, "who is your first priority in marriage? Your children or your spouse?" I didn't know the right answer then. Well, maybe I did, but I was taken aback and wasn't able to answer for a while. I thought deeply about it, thinking about what I saw growing up. In my mother's world, we came first. At least that's how I felt. So I blurted, "my children." "Wrong," she said. "Your spouse always comes first."

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Well, it totally made sense to me. If you want your children to respect you and your spouse, you will show your spouse the kind of respect they deserve and the affection and the love and everything else. The spouse comes first, and when the children sees that, they will emulate that (hopefully) in their own marriage. It, too, will make your marriage better. Of course, I made a mental note that it will only apply - to me, at least - as long as he is not abusive or anything of that sort.

In all of my still-very-young years, I've already known the kind of man I wanted to marry. I won't get into details why, but I was really determined to meet that kind of man. Not a boy, a man. Maybe a man in a boy figure. Hehe! However, I still learned one or two more things before that day came, before the "FOR ALL TIME AND ETERNITY" came: 1) I have to qualify on certain kinds of qualifications just as much as I have a list of qualifications for the kind of man I wanted to marry. 2) Not all of those in my list about him will be checked, just as all of my list about my self-improvement will be checked before that day came.

We are past the five years, and even though it's still very early into our marriage, I feel we've grown together in this journey for the better. I have changed. I'm still not perfect, but I have changed because of his trust, love, and patience. An incredible amount of patience. Like in every marriage, there have been ups and downs. I pouted a lot. He apologized a lot. Sometimes I got on his nerves, mostly because I just won't say what's wrong when I pout. We are so different but we complement each other.

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I am glad I was able to meet that kind of man I wanted to marry. Sure I may have written a shallow "as handsome as Brad Pitt" in my list, which I doubt I did, but my husband is the best one for me. Brad Pitt is not handsome anyway, not to me at least. Haha!

If you were so curious, my list was not really long and some of them were shallow qualifications but the main ones I focused on were: he loves the Lord, respects the Priesthood, he loves me and our children, he doesn't hurt me and the children especially physically, and a responsible breadwinner. Someone who will let me stay home with the children was a plus. And he met all of these. I really don't know what I did to deserve him in my life. But he is here, he is my husband, and I couldn't be any happier. I am doing my best to continue feeding the fire, feeding the love, respecting him, thinking of him first (even though I don't make dinner on a daily basis), and basically just thinking of how I can make him happy and how I can contribute to make this marriage happy and joyful and peaceful all at the same time despite the random rain and storms at times, because he is doing his part, his 100%+ in this marriage. I couldn't have asked for anyone else.