When a Song Used to Make Me Cry

It's been 17 months today since I gave birth to our second son. 15 months since the last time I was really depressed (them baby blues). I was depressed way until the first four months, but the first two months were the worst ones. You know, when you've just given birth, you just feel ugly and dirty and not human - more like a zombie cow. I didn't like to look at myself in the mirror. I was losing some hair, my hair was always tangled and sticking out everywhere, I had big circles underneath my eyes, and I just looked plain tired.

Each nursing session was a love-hate feeling for me. I loved it because I was cuddling with my boy at the same time. I hated it because it was just too long (yes, I gave him both sides all the time) for the other toddler who was waiting for us to get done. I always listened to Boyce Avenue on every nursing session just to have something to watch. And what do you know, this song always got me crying (I always blamed the hormones):

I always soaked in all the words, imagining my husband saying them to me even though I felt ugly about myself. And even just the imagination of being appreciated (thanks to this song) made me cry! Hahaha! Looking back now, I think I was too cheesy back then. My husband did tell me all those times that I still looked pretty. Most of the time I felt like he was lying, but I did appreciate his appreciation of me.

My Message for You

... through a song ...

Dear C and J,

This song is for both of you from me, your Mommy. I know you're still young and are still oblivious to the dangers and heart aches of this world. I love how your world now in your own minds is just so peaceful and wonderful - and that the only heartaches you get is when Mommy or Daddy said "No." or when the other sibling stole the toy you were playing with.

But someday you will lose that innocence and will get hurt and feel pain. You will grow up and see the world as adults. Maybe as teens first, of course, but on the way to adulthood. When that time comes, when your own wonderland leaves your life, remember I am here for both of you. I will always be here, either close by (as long as you want me to) or far away (if you want me to keep my distance from you, but will still be looking after you from afar). You are my most precious treasures, the greatest gifts I have ever received. I'll always "stand by you." I love you both!

Oh, why you look so sad?

The tears are in our eyes.

Come on and talk to me now.

Don't be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

'Cause I've seen the dark side too.

When the night falls on you,

And you don't know what to do,

Nothing you confess

Can make me love you less.

I'll stand by you,

I'll stand by you,

Won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you.

So, if you're mad, get mad.

Don't hold it all inside,

Come on and talk to me now.

Hey, what you've got to hide?

I get angry too.

Well, I'm a lot like you.

When you're standing at the crossroads

And you don't know which path to choose,

Let me come along

'Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you.

I'll stand by you.

Won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you.

Take me in into your darkest hour,

And I'll never desert you,

I'll stand by you.

And when, when the night falls on you baby,

You're feeling all alone.

You won't be on your own.

I'll stand by you,

I'll stand by you.

Won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you.

Take me in into your darkest hour,

And I'll never desert you,

I'll stand by you.

Oh I'll stand by you.

I'll stand by you.

my favorite CHRISTmas song

It's that time of the year when it's considered "legal" (figuratively) to play Christmas songs. It's all over the place - radio stations, shopping malls, TV commercials/shows, etc. I love it because I love the spirit these songs bring about Christmas, especially if those songs are indeed about our Savior (not Santa. Gosh, I hate "Santa Baby")

My husband and I have the same favorite Christmas song (well, at least he said so just recently). It's been my favorite since I was a little girl, maybe because I liked the melody even though I didn't understand much of the lyrics back then. The melody is so powerful, it always gives me the goosebumps.

Then one day, while we were visiting my relatives in California during the holidays (and attended their ward at church), this young man sang my favorite song. Only, I didn't know the COMPLETE lyrics before then. So when I heard him sing it with parts of the lyrics I've never heard before, I almost bawled. He sang it so well and so powerful and meaningful, I totally felt the message of the song. Before that day, I didn't pay so much attention to the song even though it was my favorite because I heard it all the time. But ever since that day, I always, ALWAYS stop and listen to the song and relish the whole meaning of it as it plays on our computer/radio.

I've attached a video below to go along with the song although it's not really the whole song in it. I'm having a hard time finding someone on Youtube with a complete lyrics of this song. As you read the lyrics & listen to the video, try not to overlook the message of the song no matter how very familiar it already is for you. I was actually singing it in my head as I was typing it here and I got the goosebumps again. The message is sweet.

(John Sullivan Dwight's Version)

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angels' voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born;

O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,

Here come the wise men from Orient land.

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;

In all our trials born to be our friend.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,

Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!

Behold your King, Before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

The Magic of Christmas...

Guess what! WE ARE FINALLY DECORATING FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!!!!!!

Yep! You got that right! We.are.decorating our house!!! For the first time in three years! We also bought our first Christmas tree.

setting up our first Christmas tree

It's actually my very first Christmas tree my whole life since my family and I always used a makeshift one. I will put up another picture once it's all decorated with ornaments (which won't be a lot - we're going to build up our number of ornaments as the year goes by). It's a big tree, we're actually gonna have to rearrange our furniture. I've also put up our handful of Christmas decor - a nativity, stockings, coasters, and 2 ornaments. It's not much but it's a start.

My sister-in-law made us a big decorative tile a few years ago with words from Luke 2:11: "For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Chris the Lord." I still have to get a plate easel for it to stand next to our nativity. But there is another thing I want to add next to our nativity though (opposite the Luke 2:11 frame):

I found it from Pinterest and I love the message. It'll be perfect next to our nativity and it matches the other tile that my sister-in-law gave us. I would love our kids to see this all the time so each of us will be reminded that Christmas is not about the presents but about the birth of our Savior.

There are several Christmas songs that remind me most of the Christmas I knew when I was growing up. The top 2 for me are:

Carnie & Wendy Wilson's whole "Hey Santa" album

Ryan Cayabyab's album

The lantern in the beginning of the video (Ryan Cayabyab's) is actually the specialty in my hometown. I remember going home from school (an hour jeepney ride) watching these beauties in the streets, their lights dancing in the dark. They're beautiful.

I'll Stand By You - Carrie Underwood

I am totally in-love with this song.

She has an amazing voice.

Anyway, C and I fell asleep together earlier today 

after lunch while cuddling on the couch.
I woke up 15 mins. after, his hair was soaking wet with sweat.

I moved US to the master bedroom, but

he couldn't go back to sleep anymore so I played with him for a while

'til he became sleepy again.

My little one let me play my guitar too,

and this is what he listened to:

Somehow the video is messed up in the beginning
when I uploaded it on Youtube.

This guitar has been with me since 2005.
It stuck with me even though I don't know how to play
that much.
I learned how to play guitar all by myself.
I taught myself how to read the guitar chord chart when I was 12,
and tried to play as much as I can.
But up until now, I only know the basics.
I hardly even know how to tune my own guitar.
(I don't have the ears to tune my guitar).
This guitar's tuning was really messed up before my brother helped me out
through skype.
But then after that, it got messed up again, so I TRIED to tune it
as best as I can before I played this song, so it might be
a little bit out of tune still.

This song is pretty easy so I loved it more.
I wish I could sing, but I can't, so I just played Carrie Underwood's voice
in the background while I played.

And yes! I know my shirt is worn the wrong way... hehe!
The tag at the back of the shirt hurts so I wore it that way.
P.S.
I love my little number one fan towards the end.

On the 1st day of Christmas

This song is far too common or always heard that we hardly listen to the message of the song.  I had a hard time looking for the really complete version of this song before I found this video. His lyrics are also altered a bit, and he skipped the third verse (that's why I added the little girl's version at the bottom. She sang the third verse at 2:11 timestamp). Check the Wordpress one for, I think the original one. Most of the ones who sang this song (including Celine Dion and Josh Groban) didn't include the second verse, which is my favorite part of the song (especially the "behold your King" part). Today, I want you to try, as you listen to the song, to read the lyrics and really take into your heart its meaning.

Oh holy night, the stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!
Fall on your knees! Oh hear the angel voices!
Oh night divine! Oh night when Christ was born.
Oh night divine! Oh night, oh night divine!

Led by the light of a faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star is sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay in lowly manger;
With all our trials, born to be our friend.
He knows our need, to our weakness no stranger,
Behold your King! Before the lowly bend!
Behold your King! Your King! Before Him bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother.
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
Noel! Noel! Oh night, oh night divine!
Noel! Noel! Oh night, oh night divine!
Noel, Noel! Oh night, oh night divine!

This is one of my favorite songs that is being played during the Christmas season. I really love this song. I always sang it when I was just a little girl. But I only knew the first verse then. I heard the complete song 2 years ago in my grandparents' ward at church. A member of their ward sang it and he did so well, it sent chills down my spine. The second and third verses always hit home for me. 

I don't like doing the shortcut of the word "Christmas" like other people do (they write it as x-mas). For me (in my opinion), it's basically taking out the very word/name to whom the holiday season is being celebrated for.

Let's not forget, while opening our Christmas gifts, what the true meaning of Christmas is. It is to celebrate our Savior's birth. I am eternally grateful and indebted for His birth. Without Him, we will not have the chance to go back to our Heavenly Father's presence.

Merry Christmas!

Breath of Heaven (Amy Grant)

Today I was thinking about the woman

who was courageous to accept her calling

to carry the Savior in her womb.

Because of her (and Joseph's) willingness and acceptance 

of what she was called to do, our Savior was born. 

I cannot speak for Mary.

I don't know how or what she felt 

when she carried the Savior in her womb.

Or how she felt when they were looking for a place

to stay the night she went into labor.

She had a lot of things that she went through.

But I've been pregnant before.

I've experienced what it is like to fear the unknown.

Although my experience is totally different from hers,

I could, at least in some little ways, relate to the song and think

that maybe that's how she felt.

But like I said, I don't know how she really felt.

I love this song.

I have traveled many moonless nights

Cold and weary with a babe inside.

And I wonder what I've done.

Holy Father, You have come.

And chosen me now to carry Your Son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.

I am frightened by the load I bear.

In a world as cold as stone,

Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now.

Breath of heaven, hold me together.

Be forever near me, breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness,

Pour over me Your Holiness,

For You are Holy, breath of heaven.

Do you wonder, as you watch my face,

If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am for the mercy of Your plan.

Help me be strong.

Help me be.. help me!

Breath of heaven, hold me together.
Be forever near me, breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness,

Pour over me Your Holiness,

For you are Holy!

Breath of heaven, hold me together,

Be forever near me, breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness,

Pour over me Your Holiness,

For you are Holy!

Breath of heaven.

God Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts

My husband celebrated his birthday pretty recently.

And I really did not post any greeting on this blog on time,

just to be a little bit more private.

This is another tribute for him.
Belated happy birthday, beb!!!

Thanks for being a great husband to me

and father to our son.

We love you!

"Bless the Broken Road"

(Rascal Flatts)

I set out a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are.

Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms.

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

Yes, he did.

I think about the years I spent just passing through.

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you.

But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there, you understand.

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are.

Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms.

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

But I know I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

Mama' Song

This song is probably way long overdue,
(of course, I've been married for 2 1/2 years now)
but I just recently watched it and I really liked it.
And since it's my mom's birthday today,
I thought this would be one of the many ways
I can show my appreciation to her and greet her A HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I love you, Ma!

"Mama, you taught me to do the right things
So now you have to let your baby fly.
You've given me everything I will need
To make it through this crazy thing called life.

And I know you watched me grow up
And only want what's best for me.
And I think I found the answer to your prayers.

And he is good, so good.
He treats your little girl like a real man should.
He is good, so good.

He makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave.
So don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.

Mama, there's no way you'll ever lose me.
Giving me away is not goodbye.
As you watch me walk down to my future,
I hope tears of joy are in your eyes.

'Cause he is good, so good
And he treats your little girl like a real man should.
He is good, so good.

He makes promises he keeps
No, he's never gonna leave.
So don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.

And when I watch my baby grow up
I'll only want what's best for her.
And I hope she'll find the answer to my prayers.
And that she'll say

He is good, so good.
He treats your little girl like a real man should.
He is good, so good.

He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.

Mama, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me."

"It Passes All My Understanding" - Cherie Call

I was sitting on a southbound plane 

I was buried in a magazine

When the man in the seat next over

Wanted to talk to me

He talked about the universe,

He talked about Saturn's rings.

He said, "I might be an atheist,

Except for just one thing:

It passes all my understanding

How it all worked out just right

The distance that we live from the sun,

The stars that shine at night.

We may prove that it was just an accident

But how did it begin?

It passes all my understanding."

I told him, "You're a scholar;

You know things that I don't know.

But I believe a God in heaven

Made everything below.

And I know we are His children;

I've known it since I was two

But when it comes to being struck with awe

I'm just like you.

It passes all my understanding 

All the beauty that we have here.

From the majesty of the canyons

To a tiny baby's ear.

And even when I can't believe it

He still believes in me.

It passes all my understanding.

We watched the sun set through the clouds

In a tiny little airplane window

With people sleeping all around

And I thought of just how we just expect this world to be.

And when the flight attendant passed me by,

I threw away my magazine.

It passes all my understanding 

That the Lord knows both our names

And that He made this world for everyone

That was sitting on that plane.

And in spite of all man's distractions,

He offers us His peace.

That passes all my understanding.

(Photo by ME! Hehe!)

I was reminded of this song yesterday

On our way home from Vegas.

We were surrounded by nothing else

but dry land, dry grass, and dry "cactus" trees.

The color of the sunset was beautiful!
From the top, it was dark blue,

turning into blue, then light blue,

and pale blue,

then yellow,

then dark yellow,

yellow orange,

orange,

red orange,

red,

and some shades of black at the very bottom (the horizon).

I studied each color for a long time

before it all faded

and everything turned into dark, starry, night.

It was beautiful!
Like what Louis Armstrong said,

"What a wonderful world!"