Advice Wipes

I am grateful to have parents and parents-in-law who never dictated/instructed us how to raise our children. They let us learn this all on our own and trust our instincts, and only gave us advice when we asked.

I have long since stopped giving advice to any one in any thing, especially anything about parenting, unless they asked me. These are some of my experiences of a wake-up call:

1) Back some years ago, a mom with a second adopted baby cried out on Facebook that she is having a tough time. Having had a second baby myself, having known how dreadful postpartum depression is, having BEEN THERE and thinking that she doesn't even have to deal with the pains of recovering from birthing or engorgement, I eagerly jumped up and commented it will be okay and it will pass. A mutual friend commented that whoever says that don't really know what they are talking about ... how the heck should they know what they are talking about because they do not know what you are going through. Of course it offended me because I have had PPD, I have had a hard time recovering emotionally and physically, and I felt totally qualified to say IT WILL PASS, it will be okay. But then I realized it was not my place to say such things. It was not what that mom needed to hear from me.

2) In no way bragging, my kids were always good travelers when we used to live in Las Vegas. Our drive to my in-laws usually took 6 hours, and we have survived it without iPads or iPhones in the car (except for me, haha!). One day one of my close friends got a van with those built-in DVD players and she posted on Facebook how happy she was that her kids now can watch movies while they drive. I arrogantly commented, "I'd rather talk to my kids" and she casually responded, "ouch." I felt like slapping my face for hurting her and I immediately apologized.

3) If any of you remember my post some months ago about an "On This Day" post I made when my first child was a toddler, you will recall that I said the AAP suggests no more than 1 hr (or something) of watching tv for toddlers 2 and up and none at all for babies younger than that. I bragged, saying we have survived our days without TV, etc. On my "On This Day" repost, I said I was laughing at my past self (because ever since J was born, that parenting style went outside the window even though I only let C watch nursery things like the alphabet, colors, shapes, etc). I saw that younger version of me as an arrogant, pompous parent, and I was laughing at my her thinking "Oooh, you're in so much trouble."

So, yes, I have stopped (and still trying to stop) giving unsolicited advice to parents on how to raise their kids unless I was asked how I did certain things. The only thing that matters is that they love them and that they are doing the best they can in the best way they know how while dealing with their own weaknesses and shortcomings.

 Elder M. Russell Ballard has said, "There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."  (Daughters of God, Apr. 2008)

The Big Move

It's been really really busy lately. For those of you who do not know, we're moving to the east coast for my husband's "job relocation." I think I lost sense of my inner clock since we have been doing a lot of traveling since the last days of June.

We are moving to Baltimore, MD! Tonight will be the last night we will all sleep on our beds, and it won't be until 2 or 3 weeks until we sleep on them again. Tomorrow, the professional movers are coming in at 8:00 am to pack our things, and someone else is taking away our Toyota Sienna minivan for shipping. Also, tomorrow will start our hotel life until our things arrive in Baltimore. We fly to Baltimore this weekend. It'll be our youngest's first time to fly in an airplane. We're so excited to see him experience that!

I'm blogging right now because I feel like I will lose my mind if I don't. I need some sort of outlet. I am so stressed just thinking of the days ahead, or even the next hour to come. There's just so many things to do before and after the move (i.e. packing, unpacking, finding a new doctor, changing address, internet connection, etc.) I wish I could do more than I can at the moment, but my hefty belly and aching body prevents me from doing so. But it's good to know that I am more than healthy enough to do enough. What's left right now is packing our remaining things that we need to bring with us for the start of our hotel life, and getting the pantry rid of food to be donated to the food bank, I think? That, and cleaning the house on Friday. CLEANING! Friday stresses me out most, I think.

How do I feel about this move? I am excited, anxious, and everything else mixed together. I sure love the green - trees, grass, bushes. Something I've been looking forward to. And oh, lots of things to do with our children! My husband and I never actually lived in a state/city where it snowed a lot for a long time, so this winter will be our first white Christmas! I got tired of living in the desert that I'm actually ready to leave it. The only thing that's making me not want to move is because I will AGAIN be pulled far away from my family and friends. I don't know if it's my pregnancy hormones, but sometimes I feel like I always have to be the one that has to deal with the loneliness of being away from family and friends.

But I can't complain. Believe it or not, I do see the blessings that came with this new transition and new page in our book of life as a family unit. Both material and spiritual things. And just thinking of those gives me enough strength to carry on and know that I can do this. It will be a good, fresh start. Looking forward to our new life!

P.S. - This makes all of our children born in 3 different states! Isn't that cool! ^.^

Growing Pains

Well, it's been another while since my last update.

C has graduated from preschool. He loved preschool and he loved making friends there. He's turning five soon and I'm a little sad that we aren't throwing him a party with his friends and/or cousins over. It'll be just another simple birthday celebration. Heck I don't even know yet what to do for him on that day, but I'm sure we'll have fun.

J is still his silly, will-powered self. He's beginning to construct sentences better. It's cute and all, but it also kind of makes me sad that my baby is indeed growing up. He's getting better in using the toilet to do his business, even with going #2. Potty training him this time around had been so much easier for all of us than the first time we tried.

My husband applied for an assistant controller a few weeks back, got through the interviews (phone and in-person), and now we are looking at many weekends ahead full of traveling because he got the job. We'll be traveling for house hunting where we'll be moving, and traveling to see family and friends before we leave our close proximity to them. It's going to be a busy month and maybe even after we've settled down. More on this on a different post later.

And me, still growing. I'm 24 weeks pregnant as of today. My little princess is living up to her reputation as the princess of this household. She has been harder to carry than her two older brothers. I always find myself exhausted - a lot more exhausted than I was in my previous pregnancies - and in pain. Just pain everywhere. Sometimes it even hurts my everything when I walk, or when I roll over in bed. I don't know if that has something to do with placenta previa but most days I just want to lie down in bed and have a maid clean the house, or a babysitter to take care of our kids, or a chef to make us good food. I haven't been making dinner a lot because of it. I mean I've always been like that, but I'm worse now. Just glad that my husband understands and doesn't complain.

I'm a little upset that my doctor's appointment has been moved to 2 more weeks (that's 6 weeks since the last time I met her, 4 days before we leave Vegas) because she suddenly isn't available at the time they gave me and now they had to push me over to some random date to accommodate HER needs, not mine. So there's a possibility that I won't get that ultrasound before our move. We'd have to find a new doctor first which will probably take by August before I get another ultrasound. I really need that ultrasound. I just ... all I want to know is if everything's better and if so, then I can have some things, even just ONE thing, back to normal.

I think the reason why I'm in this blog post right now is not just to merely update it, but because my pathetic, insignificant disappointments are building up and I need to let some, if not all, of my steam out. So, thank you, for bearing with me. I appreciate it. :)

Note to Self: Time Well Spent

Well, here I am again. My belly is bulging and cramping, my back aches, and my eyes are heavy. But it's been a productive, albeit tiring, day. J is potty training again since yesterday, and this time I don't want to back out no matter how long it takes us. It will just get harder from here on out if I keep postponing it. I am getting bigger and more uncomfortable, and if I don't do it now I won't be able to do it until after the baby comes. All in all, he is doing good. Still no #2 (our day today started with a missed opportunity for  #2 and it landed on the bathroom floor as I was lifting him up to the toilet seat), but his #1's have been great.

I know I just said I'm exhausted. I am. Going back and forth to the bathrooms potty training a toddler is taxing for a pregnant mom of two sons, especially when the man of the house is not around. But why am I up? Well, for one, it's only 9:30 pm when I started typing this. Two, I just finished catching up with my journal so I have nothing to update about there. Three, I read too much today (as my way of waiting for J to go back and use the bathroom again). Four, I'm just not ready to go to bed. 

Well, here's one thought that's been roaming around my head. As you can see, I just started using Swagbucks again. And man does it feel like working from home.

I just met my daily goal after I put the kids to bed today.

 In the past days, as soon as I started trying to meet the daily "Swagbucks earned" goals, I noticed I've been sitting on the computer much longer than I used to - answering polls and surveys, scouring coupons, playing (not watching) videos, etc. in order to rack up points (which are redeemable with gift cards). Sure, I'm doing it to help financially, at least a little. But I've noticed I've taken my eyes off from the ones that mattered most to me longer than I needed to.

"Mom, look at this!" "Woah..." (unattentive response while eyes were glued to the monitor).

I found this one on Pinterest a while back, and it's been stuck in my head ever since.

In this day and age where everywhere we go and in everything we do, there is technology right up at our face, it's hard not to get distracted. It's hard to focus on people who are with us face-to-face while our minds are busy traveling somewhere else with some other people we see in our device. I am guilty to this. 

Sure there are good reasons for using technology. I am not at all against it. We can update our far-away families in real-time, for one. But sometimes we tend to overuse it and end up neglecting things/people that mattered more. Like my kids for me.

So here was a challenge I gave to myself about a week ago - to keep my time with technology at bay, and spend more time listening to and playing with my kids.

My action plans? 1) Sit down in front of the computer at nap times and bed times only, and/or when/if the man of the house lets me get a little break when he gets home; or when the boys want some "Jabbawockeez" dance routine moment. 2) Eat meals with them at the dining table, without my phone. This hasn't been a problem to me but I want to set an example to them, too. 3) If they do have to watch a movie, lie down on the couch and have them have a go with their "lambing" (cuddles) with me. 4) More reading and story times! I used to be great at this when we only had one child. I want to bring it back. More outdoor things done with them. Well maybe after potty training.. haha! 5) Moderation is key. Of course there are times I really have to be with technology and they need to know they don't always get everything and all of my attention all the time. Do all things in moderation - they need to learn some things by themselves and I need to do things I enjoy by myself sometimes, too. For example, sometimes I read a book while they play with each other and that's not bad, as long as I can pay attention to them as well.

 Recently I've limited my technology activity to posting my 100 Happy Days post for the day. And maybe a half hour of Facebooking here and there. Like I said, I am trying to do things in moderation. Besides, I can't sit in front of the computer for more than 30 minutes (yeah my back is killing me right now, actually).

Last thought for this long post, I was skimming through some blog posts earlier after I put the boys to bed (yay, Pull-Ups time!). Most of the comments on this one blog defended themselves together with the blogger how sometimes they really just need to be with technology even when they are at the park with their kids. I only scrolled through some and what I've noticed is this: they always have more than enough things to juggle. They have their own business (photography), blog to maintain, Facebook group to admin (2 or 3 of them), work emails, plus school and homeschooling, photo editing, etc. These are all good and I don't judge them at all. Sometimes it is what it is.

I am one of the lucky moms who had the chance to choose to stay home with our kids full-time. Some moms don't have that option, especially the single moms. And because of that, because of their own individual situation, they have to juggle a lot of things. And that's understandable. As for me though as a stay-home mom with a spouse, and this is just my opinion... if all those work load gets all of my time away from my kids even when I am with them physically and even when I say that I'm doing it for them, then I think it's not worth it. Maybe take away the work load that's not really that important, and lessen the load gradually so the extra time can be put with the family and loved ones. Let's try to put it in the eternal perspective - we aren't taking our Facebook-administered group in the next life, or our work emails, or our photography business, or what-not. The kids are only young for a fraction of our lifetime.

We decided I stay home for a reason and if I lose that purpose by spending too much of my time somewhere else, I think I will have just failed greatly. Everything in moderation. Other people really don't have a choice but to juggle multiple things in order to sustain their family. In my whole life's experience, though, more often than not we do have a choice where we put most of our time to. It is not so much as to the quantity of time spent with your loved ones, than is the quality as well. I will try to give both as much as I can. That is my goal for myself and my family.

Sorry if this sounded like a lecture or a "holier than thou" post. I didn't mean it to be. It's just one of those days where I have a screaming thought in my head and I have to write it down fast enough for me to remind myself someday.

Random Chatters

I haven't been blogging in a while. But today is different, and today I feel like blogging rather than doing anything else while my sons took their naps.

Chatter #1:

I was sweeping the kitchen floor after having cleaned the living room floor, when I heard my two little boys arguing and stomping their feet at each other. C climbed upstairs to let his steam out, while J stayed downstairs with me and continued ranting that his kuya is on time-out (he put his kuya on time-out... really?)

I think any parent have the urge in every fiber of their parental being to step in when the children argue and fight, but I also know some parents choose not to and let the children settle it themselves as long as they're safe. I followed that today (and I do in most days if their noise wasn't bothering me). I kept on cleaning and let them at it.

Soon enough, C went downstairs. His younger brother kept nagging at him that he should go upstairs, "Kuya time-out!" he says. "No, I'm not in time-out. I just went upstairs because I was angry with you! I'm still not playing with you!" said the elderly brother, and he proceeded to slide his tiny race cars down the seat of the slightly folded metal folding chair. Little J approached him and said, "You playing, kuya, you playing?" To which his older brother replied, "Yes, I am. Come race with me."

It tugged at my heart on how quickly they got along as quickly as they fought. Then right at that moment, a song from my Pandora station played. I let it sink in my head as the song went by, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." I looked at my boys and just smiled, watching them play again together, with those big cheeks sticking out of their faces. They are my many rays of sunshine in this ugly desert I can't ever call home. Someday, a young lady will catch their attention. But for now I am the one, and wherever they may go, they will always be my sunshine.

Chatter #2:

As you all know by now, we are expecting baby #3. We haven't met my doctor yet, although I have an appointment set up for April (she was booked all the way til April when I called in February). No chosen name yet, as I've learned from our first experience that it kinda makes you get attached to the name and gender if you assume it so early. We already had a girl's name picked out for our first baby when we found out we were having a boy. Of course, I was happy. I wanted a boy as an eldest child. But somehow I felt I lost that little baby girl, too. Could be weird to some but that's how I felt. So I decided since then not to name the baby until we knew the gender.

We are all doing well. I am doing well. Like my last two pregnancies, it doesn't feel like I'm pregnant. Well, besides my obnoxious hormones, I don't feel pregnant. Belly bump's not quite there yet. But I can't wear my non-pregnancy jeans anymore. Here's to more waiting for April! I will post my face with the bump when I am ready, haha!

Chatter #3:

Will I ever be ready to potty train J? I think my husband is ready, but I'm not. Besides, I'll be the one who will be stuck doing it for the rest of the day. This is probably the 10th time I held off on it. I was planning to do it February. I have forgotten now what has changed my mind. Then last week was supposed to be the day we were going to do it, then I kept changing my mind to "wait til the spring break" and "wait til next week." It's just a lot harder to time it now than it was with C, because with C he didn't have any sibling that went to preschool so we were able to stay at home for as long as we needed as we potty trained him. With J, though, I am so torn because I want to do it now but I don't want to because of C's preschool schedule. I feel like it's going to take longer if we don't wait til spring break. But that's too long and too close to our anniversary where we most likely will have to go somewhere, and I don't like going anywhere when potty training. I guess we'll just wing it and see how it goes. J is aware, a little if not a lot, when he needs to/has gone to the "bathroom" so I guess that's a good thing?


It's been great to post something random again. Have a great weekend everyone!

They Day I Ordered the Wrong Food

I just finished writing about our most recent date night in my journal and I couldn't stop thinking about that night.

It was a fun night despite of what I had to eat. And thank goodness for my perfect senses, I was able to really taste it. 

We left our children with my sister as our babysitter that night. If you know my husband, he's a recent convert to Japanese food especially sushi. It's kind of funny that I was the one who was trying to make him eat MY VERSION of sushi (California rolls) and now he's the one who's trying to make me eat HIS VERSION of sushi - the real sushi (raw fish on top of rice and other shebangs). 

So for this date night, I let him decide where to eat out - as usual. And as usual, I knew where he was going to take me - to a sushi place! This time we ate at Yama Sushi. This is the fifth sushi restaurant he's taken me to, but the first one with an all-you-can-eat option. So we did that. The buffet option is $25 per head.

Of course he knows all the rolls, right? RIGHT! So he goes on ordering the one called "NO NAME." And I trust his judgments. He said it was good. And it was! Unfortunately you can only have one order of "No Name" per person so we only had two rolls of it (8 slices). 

Click on the image for the link. Photo credit to Anneli A. (Yelp user)

Another delicious roll he ordered was the "Sun of Beach." It was hard to decide which one was better. 

Click on the image for the link. Photo credit to Rafael D. (Yelp User)

He also got me some teriyaki chicken. And we added a yakitori to that (barbeque chicken kebab). 

I, on the other hand, failed at my ordered roll called "Crazy Roll." Oh it was crazy, all right! Filled with jalapenos. Yum. Not. Luckily my dearest heroic husband, my knight in shining armour, ate 4 of the six slices of that roll, including the one on my end which was fat and humongous. But there was one of my orders he wasn't a "knight-in-shining armour" enough for him to even touch with his chopsticks. They were 2 pieces per serving. The one that will be on my food taboo list for years to come. The quail eggs.

Now, at the menu it had the sign where it said it's either lightly cooked or served raw. I thought it was ultra soft-boiled eggs, so I wanted it anyway. The server came and I said, "Can I have two orders of the quail eggs, please?" The server gave me this doubtful look and said, "So, four pieces?!? Because it's two pieces per order." I really wanted a lot but you can only have two orders of it. I eat more than five boiled quail eggs back home in one sitting. In fact I think I even eat more than ten. But trying to be decent, I said, "Okay, let's start with two pieces. One order it is then." So she went off and put in the order. And there I was happily expecting to get a tiny dish of two boiled quail eggs.

I was busy munching whatever we were munching when she put it on my side of the table and I bet you she saw my eyes bulge. It was so unexpected (for me, at least) that they were served raw on top of rice wrapped in seaweed. 

Needless to say, my husband couldn't stop laughing. I had to think hard that what I ate back home was worse (it's called balut - boiled duck eggs where you eat the whole egg with the little chick inside it). But I've never had raw eggs before. Luckily, quail eggs are tiny. I picked up my chopsticks, clamped the first quail egg with rice, and aimed the raw egg to shoot right through my throat.

It wasn't so bad. Sure, I tasted the yolk. It was just like when you eat a sunny side up and the yolk runs over your rice. But the part where I slightly tasted the "white" before it slipped through my throat was one that kind of threw me off a little bit. Like I said, luckily they were small or I probably won't even touch it.

I was still going to eat the second one but the raw egg dropped on my plate when one of the servers grabbed our dirty dishes. I got distracted, all right! Not even an excuse there. Right. 

After all these, and after all the many manly fist bumps I received from my husband, I remembered they were ONLY $0.50 cents each!!!!!!  I told him, "how could you just sit down there and make me eat something gross for only a dollar?!?" This is something we will always look back to and laugh about when we grow older. The eggs were not as gross as our "balut" but raw egg is foreign to me. 

Yep, never again will I order any egg from a sushi restaurant menu unless it clearly states SCRAMBLED or BOILED. Lesson learned. 

In total we had 4 or 5 sushi rolls, chicken teriyaki, yakitori, hamachi, the quail eggs, and mochi ice cream for fifty bucks. It would have been around ninety if it wasn't a buffet. Good dinner, good experience with foreign food, and good date night!

(For more photos, check out Yama Sushi's Yelp page. Lots of Yelp users uploaded pictures of their yummy food. Maybe next time I will try the seafood salad. It seems that a lof of customers liked that one, too).

The Introvert ME

I haven't blogged in a long time, obviously. Honestly it's because I lost the interest and got lazy because nobody else was reading but my sisters-in-law and my mother-in-law. But considering that my kids still take their naps, the 1.5 - 2.5 hrs. that I am alone was quite long enough to not do anything else but read books and/or write in my journal. So I've decided to try to at least get back into blogging bit by bit.

Well, I got bored [seems like I always am] of my old blog title "Mommy Musings" so I changed it into something more fitting for my personality. Anyone who knew me REALLY well will agree that I am an introvert.

Growing up, I always preferred being with a small circle of friends rather than a huge crowd of acquaintances. I was never fond of going to youth activities in our Church because trying to strike conversations with other youths and socializing was never my favorite thing to do. If it was a youth dance, I was basically a wallflower... all. night. long.

I overcame a bit of my introversion when I left my family and my country to take up my undergraduate degree in BYU-Hawai'i. I was in a strange land with a totally different culture. And though I knew English well enough, I knew I wouldn't last long if I kept on being an introvert. So I made friends. And friends I had but not to the point that all of them were my close friends (unlike someone I know from there, too! She's a sweetheart!) I had a handful of really close friends prior to being a "Mrs." - 3 of them exactly. The rest I knew because it was a small University and you almost know everyone there. And when the 3 close friends left and moved on (one got married, the other two went on their missions for our Church), I struggled to find new close friends. So I just remained FRIENDS with everybody else I knew. It didn't matter that I didn't hung-out with them like the way I did with my three friends. It was good enough for me that I was not keeping to myself so much anymore.

But an event in my life happened and ... I lost that trust in friends. So now I am back to my introversion again. And ever since we had our firstborn, it seemed like I really just preferred being by myself and with our boys rather than arranging a playdate and trying to be sociable, or trying to make friends all over again. I was happy in my own thoughts most of the time, and just playing with my kids. Heck, even my husband and I don't talk much after the kids go down to bed because I don't talk even though my brain was exploding with ideas of things to do, or to talk about, or just random thoughts [and he likes my silence sometimes so he could "watch" some baseball games in peace.. haha!]

I am not saying I am a snob. No. I don't even mean to be one if I come across as such. I like talking to people. But almost ALWAYS I will not be the first one to strike a conversation. It's like a stage freight for me. Sometimes I could do it, sometimes I couldn't. I realized that more when I became a mother. I am so quiet you could almost say I'm a snob. But once someone talks to me, I talk to them like I wasn't ever shy at all.

So, yes. After decades of thinking that I am probably just shy, I've finally come to accept that this is me. I am an introvert who likes to chatter away by writing!

When I was trying to come up with a new title for this blog (and it might still change), I wanted to add the word "introvert" because you wouldn't know I am one by just reading this blog. I chatter so much in my blogs and journals. So I decided to google the definition of the word to see if it is really my personality.

Here's a couple:

• What is an introvert?
• 10 Myths About Introverts

And just for fun... are you an introvert or extrovert? Take the quiz and see! 

And lastly, my boys today, doing what boys do best - BEING BOYS! They love playing with each other. And no, my little J (the baby on upper shelf) is 2 years, 2 months, and 2 days younger than C (the kid on the lower shelf) even though he doesn't look like it in this picture. He's so big! I love them both.

When a Song Used to Make Me Cry

It's been 17 months today since I gave birth to our second son. 15 months since the last time I was really depressed (them baby blues). I was depressed way until the first four months, but the first two months were the worst ones. You know, when you've just given birth, you just feel ugly and dirty and not human - more like a zombie cow. I didn't like to look at myself in the mirror. I was losing some hair, my hair was always tangled and sticking out everywhere, I had big circles underneath my eyes, and I just looked plain tired.

Each nursing session was a love-hate feeling for me. I loved it because I was cuddling with my boy at the same time. I hated it because it was just too long (yes, I gave him both sides all the time) for the other toddler who was waiting for us to get done. I always listened to Boyce Avenue on every nursing session just to have something to watch. And what do you know, this song always got me crying (I always blamed the hormones):

I always soaked in all the words, imagining my husband saying them to me even though I felt ugly about myself. And even just the imagination of being appreciated (thanks to this song) made me cry! Hahaha! Looking back now, I think I was too cheesy back then. My husband did tell me all those times that I still looked pretty. Most of the time I felt like he was lying, but I did appreciate his appreciation of me.

My Message for You

... through a song ...

Dear C and J,

This song is for both of you from me, your Mommy. I know you're still young and are still oblivious to the dangers and heart aches of this world. I love how your world now in your own minds is just so peaceful and wonderful - and that the only heartaches you get is when Mommy or Daddy said "No." or when the other sibling stole the toy you were playing with.

But someday you will lose that innocence and will get hurt and feel pain. You will grow up and see the world as adults. Maybe as teens first, of course, but on the way to adulthood. When that time comes, when your own wonderland leaves your life, remember I am here for both of you. I will always be here, either close by (as long as you want me to) or far away (if you want me to keep my distance from you, but will still be looking after you from afar). You are my most precious treasures, the greatest gifts I have ever received. I'll always "stand by you." I love you both!

Oh, why you look so sad?

The tears are in our eyes.

Come on and talk to me now.

Don't be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

'Cause I've seen the dark side too.

When the night falls on you,

And you don't know what to do,

Nothing you confess

Can make me love you less.

I'll stand by you,

I'll stand by you,

Won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you.

So, if you're mad, get mad.

Don't hold it all inside,

Come on and talk to me now.

Hey, what you've got to hide?

I get angry too.

Well, I'm a lot like you.

When you're standing at the crossroads

And you don't know which path to choose,

Let me come along

'Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you.

I'll stand by you.

Won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you.

Take me in into your darkest hour,

And I'll never desert you,

I'll stand by you.

And when, when the night falls on you baby,

You're feeling all alone.

You won't be on your own.

I'll stand by you,

I'll stand by you.

Won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you.

Take me in into your darkest hour,

And I'll never desert you,

I'll stand by you.

Oh I'll stand by you.

I'll stand by you.

Some Good in this World

So I was thinking today about how bad this world is getting, and how much I don't want my kids to grow up in this cruel and wicked generation. But they are in here now, and they are a choice generation. They're going to have to face a more wicked world than my generation did. 

As long as our children in this generation are raised in the way God would have us raise them, no matter what the outcome may be, then we could at least say to ourselves that we tried our best in giving something good to this world.

(A little bit of a cheesy clip to make a point... hehe!)

I have a long way to go. I have many things to work on myself. I can say I've improved even just a teeny bit, but there are still many things to work on my personality so that I can be a better example to my kids (the best way to teach them is to let them see me live what we teach them). I may not know now how they will turn out as teenagers and adults, but I'm hoping that when we get to that point, they will be the good examples to their friends and not the bad.

A random picture because I wanted to plaster it here in this post.

I saw this next clip from a friend today which is perfect for this post (which has been in draft mode for a while now). It's actually pretty sweet. Yes, there are still good (things and people) in this world...

Just a little bit of a random, out-of-topic note - if we ever are only allowed to keep two other series of books to read other than our scriptures, I would have Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter in our shelf. Good books for the kids to read when they grow up.

For Every Mother

I just finished a book by Janene Baadsgaard called, "For Every Mother." My dad gave it to me as a random gift. I liked the book in that the stories were short. There were so many wisdom learned as I read from a fellow mother who's been where I am now, have raised ten kids, and are now enjoying her grandchildren through them.

I will post quotes from her books every day (or whenever I can) on my blog as part of my thoughts, but here are some things that stuck with me from her book that I may or may have not already known in my early motherhood stage:

* Our family is the most important thing in the whole wide world.

* Being a mother is the most important role in life one could ever have. Every woman in this world is a mother in many other ways other than having children.

* Every good thing we do for our family now as mothers may not be noticed immediately and sometimes it seems like they are in vain, but don't give up. Someday we will see the fruit of our labors.

* Memories made in the home are more important than acquiring current and trendy things, or keeping the house "up-to-date" with modern designs.

* Time really flies. You barely had a newborn in your hands, and then he'll be leaving home before you could even blink.

* We never have to do it alone. We are never alone in this journey. Our Savior will always be there for us if we just turn to Him & let Him help.

If you don't have time to read a long novel, this is a good book to read. Even just one story a day is good enough. It kept me in the good mood, and motivated me to be a better, non-materialistic, non-whining mom, and made me appreciate this gift of motherhood so much more than I ever did before.

Having Little Boys

I grew up being outnumbered by boys in general. I have more brothers than a sister (five brothers, one sister). I was supposed to be the last one but my parents felt bad for me being the only girl so the little sister was born (good thing she is a girl). And then my little brother was a surprise.

Growing up, I preferred making friends with boys more than I did with girls, though I eventually accidentally ended up hanging out with girls in high school who had almost, if not exactly, the same personality as me. When I went to school in Hawai'i, my first workplace had more boys than girls except for when I worked in the Luau. But then I was the only girl in my last job in Hawai'i as IT-Hardware worker. Talk about being outnumbered by boys all the time.

When my husband and I got married, I always thought of having a little girl someday but I preferred having a boy first. And so, even though we've only had all girls' names prepared, we were happy to find out we were having a boy. My husband, when our boy was born, was so happy his protective fatherly instinct came into effect immediately.

With our second child, I was kind of hoping for a girl since we had a boy already. A few months of pregnancy revealed that we are having yet another boy. At first I was a little sad but then it immediately reverted back to the fact that we are having a baby! And it was such a blessing, I felt thankful and loved that growing baby inside of me.

Well, we're not planning to have a third one yet, of course. But I am hoping to have a girl this time around. But then again, it'll be as happy for me to have a boy again as how it was with the first two.

One perk of having boys that I like so much that I really appreciated a lot more recently is how easy it is to get them dressed. C was getting ready for Joy School this morning. He had a nice shirt on, but had a house shorts on. So I just changed his shorts to jeans and VOILA! All done! No skirts, ribbons, headbands, etc. I'm sure I'll have fun doing that to our little girl someday, though, if we do have at least one girl. Haha!

Another thing I liked about having two boys is that we didn't have to buy a whole new set of outfits and other clothes for J all over again. Seriously, it's only been a handful of times that we bought J some new outfits just because we wanted to. All that he's wearing now are from C. It's awesome! Saved us a lot of money - though that probably went to all the formula we bought (that we never bought with C until he was past 12 months old). 

Toys! Oh yes, toys! I've never been a big fan of girly-girl toys ever since I was a little girl. I always preferred my brothers' toy cars and army men. Anyway, so yeah, it's fun playing with my boys with the kind of toys they like and I like (LOL) but I still would love to play dress-up with our little girl and her barbie doll someday.

The only thing I don't like is, even though it's super easy to shop for their clothes, it's absolutely frustrating with how much fewer selection they have than girls' outfits. But that still doesn't overpower the fun I'm having with these little boys. I love them to pieces! I'm excited to have a little girl someday and watch these "kuya's" be protective of their little sister. That'll be so sweet! I'm sure she'll wrap her fingers around her Dad immediately, too. But for now, these little boys fill my daily life and routine with laughs, yells and screams (against each other), giggles, hide-and-seek, silly maneuvers, and pure joy. Of course there are ups and downs, but it just makes parenting easier to just count the ups instead of the downs.

Just for Laughs - Two Hampsters, One Wheel

My husband likes to look at Reddit. For those of you who don't know, Reddit is like Pinterest for men. I seriously haven't figured out how the website works. Links are just scattered all over the place. Must really be meant for men only. Just kidding!

Anyway, so we were watching some top videos last night on Reddit and we came across some good ones. We actually got stuck in watching some sumo wrestler video clips one after the other after finding one on Reddit. I found this one as he was browsing (quickly) through the rest of the videos listed and I asked if we could watch it. Let me tell you, it was hard not to laugh. It's just so cute and funny at the same time! 

Day After: Park & New Craft Table

Yesterday, the day after I quit my game, was interesting. It was hard at the start of the day not having my tool for social life. I was bored to death when the kids took a nap. I called it "going through withdrawals." :P I wasn't bored when they were awake. I've always loved watching them play and have a little bit of rivalry every now and then. But when they went down for a nap, I was dreadfully bored. But quitting the game was liberating - in the sense that, even though my mind still wandered through leveling a player, it immediately remembered it's OVER. Then brain actually started relaxing a bit more throughout the day than when I played the game.

The entire afternoon was kind of depressing because I was bored. I think I was also affected a little bit by the depressing mood of the book that I've been reading. It's a great book, I was just at the part where she was really depressed, the parts where two of her kids didn't want to see her (Stephanie Nielson's "Heaven is Here"). So I think that sort of affected my mood for the day.

But as soon as the kids woke up again at 3:00 pm (usually the time I put them down for a nap), we played a little bit more inside the house and had some snacks until it was cool enough to go outside and play. It was 5:00 pm and play they did! There were barely anyone at the park. I don't know if it was the heat or because school is about to start. But we had the park for ourselves. C totally loved running through the sprinklers and showers. J was so curious about the doves and birds that were eating the crumbs of his snacks that I threw on the grass.

Earlier that day, Jesse told me that my craft table had shipped to the nearby Walmart store we picked out to pick it up from. So I was excited, and my gloomy mood was lifted. I had asked him to pick us up at the park on his way home from work because I just didn't feel like walking back home in the heat. Just as he arrived to pick us up (with my table in the trunk), the ice cream truck just arrived as well. I was as much excited as C was, but we didn't have cash so Jesse just bought one for C using some of the change we had in our car. He was messy but happy. I let him run around the sprinklers one more time to wash the sticky stuff off of him, then we went home.

Look at those red cheeks! So cute! J loved being in the swing. He didn't like having his shoes on, though.

That night, we had a fun time at dinner. So lately every dinner, Jesse reads some chapters of Joshua from the Bible to us. Usually it was always only when C is still the only one left eating. But the scenario is always the same. When Jesse stops talking, the kids stop talking. As soon as Jesse uttered one word, either J or C will start talking to each other, blowing raspberries in the air, and yelling "AAAAAAAH!!!!" It was funny! I couldn't help but laugh last night at the scene. Next time, maybe tonight, I'll take a video for good time's sake when they grow up.

Jesse and C went upstairs as soon as the reading was done, and I stayed downstairs doing the dishes while J ran around the living room and kitchen with assortment of toys in his hands. He's just the cutest little toddler. He's still wobbly when he walks even though it's been a month since he started walking. I stayed downstairs a little longer to wait for Jesse to finish up with the table (I didn't want J to bother him) but it was getting late so we put J down to bed.

C was "helping" his dad put my craft table together. He was basically just playing with the styrofoams, putting them on top of each other, and singing "Bob the Builder, can we fix it! Bob the builder, yes we can!" And he can sing the whole song (with some words missing, of course). So cute! I should have taken a video of it.

It was kind of late than the usual bedtime for C but he wanted to stay up as long as we were putting the table together. He went to bed right away after we finished at 10:00 pm. Now I'm ready to stack it up with my craft things. 

I promised myself, even before I gave birth with C in Hawai'i, that this hobby won't take over my time for my children. Even blogging is only done when they're taking a nap (like now). Besides, I can barely make anything anyway if they were awake. Haha! I can't wait to see what things I can make again. Oooh, and I want to learn how to sew next (when we have a little bit more budget to buy a sewing machine in the next few years).

My craft table. Printer will be taken out as soon as we find a cheap table for it from the thrift stores. I think Jesse was just as happy as I was when we were putting it together last night. He even asked if I was sure I wanted the printer there because it's my CRAFT table. :P So sweet!

Simple Joy

It was a little bit right after lunch. I was lying down on our couch reading a book given to me by my mother-in-law as a birthday gift. My kids were playing with (and against) each other. Once in a while I had to look up from my book and tell C to stop roughhousing with his little brother. Yes, J can complain now with a loud squeal.

C's pretty good with truck noises. I was in another world, and so was C (making up stories about his trains falling off a cliff). J was busy nibbling on each toy, and banging them on the floor or on another toy. And then there it was - a truck sound. It pulled over right in front of our house. C immediately came back to the real world. He looks through the window and says, "Mommy, it's a tow truck! I wanna see the tow truck!" So I opened the door, and he was very eager to go outside to look at this tow truck. It was unloading a car right by our neighbor's house. Double points! C was so happy! This guy just loves anything with wheels. And the tow truck driver (AAA company) was smiling at us, seeing that he has a big fan of trucks watching him unload a car.

I'm pretty sure the garbage men in our previous residence are missing my little man. Now nobody watches them load trash and garbage in their truck when they're in our little street.

Kung Zhu Pets

One day my Dad hitched a ride with his old friend, Jun, on his way to Las Vegas to take his mom to the doctor. My dad always tries to catch a ride with "tito" Jun (tito means uncle but he's not really my uncle. It's just how we call older people that someone we know knows) whenever he takes his mom to the hospital here in Las Vegas. They're from Provo and I don't know why she always goes here in Vegas but I don't ask.

Anyway, in one of those trips, my dad bought Kung Zhu pets for C and J. I didn't know what it was. And C was in the middle of being potty trained so we didn't open his (J's Kung Zhu box was smaller).

Today, though, C was taking his box all around the living room. I was trying to save it for his birthday but since it's been a while that it's just been hanging around the living room, I opened it. Assembled it. C even tried to help. I love it whenever he tries to help when we're assembling something - a toy, a furniture, etc. It's cute.

Anyway, so when it was finally done, this is how it looked:

In the instructions it said to put the flags at the sides of the "gate." Anyway, so when we were done, C was looking for the ninja hamsters (they're supposed to be ninja hamsters). But it's sold separately. I didn't care much about them and he was fine when I gave him the idea of just using his toy cars instead. It kept him busy the whole morning.

But during their nap time (my computer time), I was looking through some blog posts and so I came across my friend's good deals on 2 websites. So I started browsing those sites for some clearance stuff (just for fun) and I stumbled upon the Kung Zhu pets in ToysRUs. I thought the Kung Zhu pets were lame toys. If they were at ToysRUs, they're probably not. I became curious so I checked them out on Youtube.

I just think they're fun. I'm pretty sure C will have fun if we had the hamsters. Now it makes me want to grab 1 or 2 hamsters. At least we don't have to feed them, right?

PS. Happy leap day! To celebrate that leap day, J had 3 pokes today (immunizations). He's 19 lbs (75%) and 28 inches (97%) now. He cried for a bit but then he was okay right away - until we got home. He didn't stop crying until I nursed him to sleep.

Taking a Break

This picture is probably the prettiest picture I've seen today:

If you didn't know yet, my husband deactivated his Facebook account a while ago. So all we have left was MY account. But I am slowly losing interest in it and I found it to be of no use to us. We don't have our own business that needs its own Facebook account. My husband often talks to his parents and his sisters. My family can reach me through my yahoo messenger. Our close friends know our phone numbers. So really, Facebook was just wasting my time. So I decided to block it from all of our browsers. Remove the temptation so to speak.

I'm not saying I'm not going back. I am just taking a break from it. I'm a nap time mom (meaning I usually spend a lot of time on the computer when the kids are sleeping if I wasn't in the mood to read a book). And I was thinking, if I was to waste my time on the computer between Facebook or Pinterest, I would rather have Pinterest. I might just be pinning a lot. But that's okay. Someday those pins will be useful to me - maybe when our kids are older and they are playing with each other. Facebook has just been giving me junk lately.

So if you've been looking for my husband on Facebook, he didn't "unfriend" you. He's deactivated his account. I am still there and you can still leave comments or messages on my Timeline. I will still be able to keep the lolas updated with their grandkids' photos on Facebook through mobile uploads. I'm just restricting MYSELF from it for now. I don't know when I'll get back. 

PS. TO OUR FRIENDS (you know who you are), if you need a discount from renting a car at Enterprise, National, and Alamo, call my husband. They can now give discounts to their friends... yipeee!

Your Body Is Not Ruined

I am slowly getting my footing back on track again. C's been doing a great job not having any accidents throughout the day. Since yesterday, there have only been 2 #1 accidents and he hasn't peed on his bed. He always got up before he did "the job." So yes, I am proud of him. I hope it stays this way. I don't mind having to carry him on the toilet as long as he knows he needs to let us know when he needs to go.

Anyway, I was browsing Pinterest one day and I saw this quote from somebody's board:

"Your body is not ruined, you're a *%&@!# tiger who earned her stripes!"

Wow! That made me smile! Although I've already accepted a mother's body and figure (muffin tops, flabby belly, stretch marks...), sometimes I still wished that I could still fit into those pants and dress I used to wear when my husband and I were just dating. But reading that quote (whoever you are, thanks!) made me happy.

Another interesting read my visiting teacher posted on her Facebook wall today was this: Mommy Myths: Here's the Real Story. I like the whole article especially when she wrote:

Myth:  I will have a tight tummy just like I did before I had children.  No muffin top for me!

Truth:  Unless you have a very unique set of awesome genes or you are a celebrity with unlimited access to plastic surgeons you better get comfortable with Mr. Muffin Top because he isn’t going anywhere.  Saggy deflated balloon skin is also a friend that is here to stay.

I am thankful that I have 10 fingers and 10 toes, two eyes and ears, a mouth, a nose, hands, feet, legs, etc. I am thankful that my body - though it is no longer as "perfect" (in Hollywood's definition) as it used to be - it is complete, and that I could use it to fulfill my responsibilities as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend.  

Overwhelming...

I have been pretty overwhelmed lately... just a little bit. As a stay-home mom, I feel like most of the pressure is on me to do these things because I'm the one who's constantly with our boys. Well, the things that overwhelms me lately are the thoughts of potty training, raising bilingual children, and starting our second child with solid foods.

I've put it off for a long time now but it's time to potty train our son. He's been a really good kid and was really easy to take care of ever since he was born but, of course, I haven't seen everything yet. Who knows how we will both handle potty training? But it has to be done... {sigh}. Just another sign that he's growing up and I can't stop it.

Second on the list is raising bilingual children. I did a pretty good job starting our first son with my language (Tagalog) when he was a baby. But ever since we left his birth place (and our friends who spoke my language), English automatically came out of my mouth whenever I talked to him. It was just weird for me to speak to him in Tagalog in a non-Tagalog speaking country.

But this year, I am trying really really HARD to talk to our sons in my language. My husband speaks it, too, but he thinks it's better if I am the MAIN one who speaks it to them because he's not sure if he was doing it good enough. Well.. I'm telling you, he's really good! No kidding! You can't tell that it's an American who's speaking Tagalog if you listen to him with your eyes closed. Seriously. (Don't blush, beb). I started this year good enough with regards to this bilingual thing. But at the beginning of each new day, English comes out of my mouth automatically. Then I revert back and forth to both languages the whole day (each time I spoke English automatically, I always continue to speak in Tagalog). It's frustrating because our first son only understands English (and I bet some Tagalog), and he's trying really hard to understand me when I speak to him in Tagalog. There are days that he's just not into it and he'll 'command' me to stop my Tagalog by being stern with his, "NO!" Well, at least I got to teach him to count 1 to 3 in Tagalog (he knows how to count 'til 20 in English). I just have to keep reminding myself to make it as fun as I can.

Another thing that's frustrating about that is that if I want to talk to him during potty training, I have to speak in English to take a little pressure off of both of us during the whole process. But I have to speak Tagalog exclusively to him if he were to learn the language (it's easiest to learn a new language when they're still young). Aah! What to do.

Grabbed from Google images

Third, starting solid foods. I don't mind it, really. I'm actually excited. Our second son is turning five months this month and it was about this age when we started his "kuya" (older brother) with rice cereal. The only thing that gets me overwhelmed thinking about it is the timing. Potty training a toddler while introducing solid foods to an infant requires lots and lots and LOTS of patience. I don't know how much I have in my patience bank.

Oh well... time to stock up on pair of hand gloves, disinfecting wipes/spray, and some big boy underwear!

Resolutions: Writing It Down

I've never been good at New Year's Resolutions. I was still a young girl when I stopped making them because I couldn't keep them. It may also be because I never wrote them down where I can see them everyday.

But the page where I am in my book of life is different now. I have a husband and two wonderful little boys to take care of. So with that, I have to do my best every single day to be better in most things (if not in everything): Be a better person. A better wife. A better mother. A better friend. A better daughter of God.

So I wrote my resolutions down. Just a few of them so it won't be so overwhelming for me. Like they said, take one step at a time. I remember when I was in college, when you make goals (and/or resolutions), you have to write them down and as much as possible make them accurate or measurable. So I decided that do be a better person/wife/mother/friend./daughter, I have to write down at least five specific things I need to do to achieve that (for example, saying only positive things about people no matter how much I don't like them).

I don't know if I can keep up with my resolutions but I will do my best. It's for my own good - and my family's, too. I think the major thing I will work on this year to make me happier is to be more grateful and express it in words and actions. I will keep my resolutions to myself (actually my husband found them in my planner.. hehe!) but here are my goals for the year:

1. Finish reading the Book of Mormon again from cover-to-cover.
2. Keep my personal and blessings (or things I was thankful for for the day) journals updated daily.
3. Speak to my kids in TAGALOG everyday - yeah, like I never had that in my head more than twelve times a year.
4. Make two Christmas cards per month. This was probably my only goal last year and I wasn't able to do it.
5. Potty train our toddler.

Well, five goals is better than nothing, right? I hope I can keep them all. 'Til next time,