Note to Self: The Last Time

My husband showed this post to me when we just had our 3rd baby, and I was going through a rough and tough time. Wanted to share it as well to you. (I googled the poem again):

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,

you will never be the same.

You might long for the person you were before,

when you had freedom and time,

And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,

And days will run into days that are exactly the same,

Full of feedings and burping,

Nappy changes and crying,

Whining and fighting,

Naps or a lack of naps,

It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don't forget...

There is a last time for everything.

There will come a time when you will feed your baby

for the very last time.

They will fall asleep on you after a long day

And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip,

then set them down,

And never pick them up that way again.

You will scrub their hair in the bath one night

And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.

They will hold your hand to cross the road,

Then never reach for it again.

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,

And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing "the wheels on the bus"

and do all the actions,

Then never sing them that song again.

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,

The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.

They will one day run to you with arms raised,

for the very last time.

The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time

Until there are no more times, and even then,

it will take you a while to realise.

So while you are living in these times,

Remember there are only so many of them

And when they are gone,

You will yearn for just one more day of them

For one last time.

- Author unknown

I've had some of these last times with my eldest and I do miss those times with him. I still have two young-uns to give me those again for one last time.

Note to Self: Time Well Spent

Well, here I am again. My belly is bulging and cramping, my back aches, and my eyes are heavy. But it's been a productive, albeit tiring, day. J is potty training again since yesterday, and this time I don't want to back out no matter how long it takes us. It will just get harder from here on out if I keep postponing it. I am getting bigger and more uncomfortable, and if I don't do it now I won't be able to do it until after the baby comes. All in all, he is doing good. Still no #2 (our day today started with a missed opportunity for  #2 and it landed on the bathroom floor as I was lifting him up to the toilet seat), but his #1's have been great.

I know I just said I'm exhausted. I am. Going back and forth to the bathrooms potty training a toddler is taxing for a pregnant mom of two sons, especially when the man of the house is not around. But why am I up? Well, for one, it's only 9:30 pm when I started typing this. Two, I just finished catching up with my journal so I have nothing to update about there. Three, I read too much today (as my way of waiting for J to go back and use the bathroom again). Four, I'm just not ready to go to bed. 

Well, here's one thought that's been roaming around my head. As you can see, I just started using Swagbucks again. And man does it feel like working from home.

I just met my daily goal after I put the kids to bed today.

 In the past days, as soon as I started trying to meet the daily "Swagbucks earned" goals, I noticed I've been sitting on the computer much longer than I used to - answering polls and surveys, scouring coupons, playing (not watching) videos, etc. in order to rack up points (which are redeemable with gift cards). Sure, I'm doing it to help financially, at least a little. But I've noticed I've taken my eyes off from the ones that mattered most to me longer than I needed to.

"Mom, look at this!" "Woah..." (unattentive response while eyes were glued to the monitor).

I found this one on Pinterest a while back, and it's been stuck in my head ever since.

In this day and age where everywhere we go and in everything we do, there is technology right up at our face, it's hard not to get distracted. It's hard to focus on people who are with us face-to-face while our minds are busy traveling somewhere else with some other people we see in our device. I am guilty to this. 

Sure there are good reasons for using technology. I am not at all against it. We can update our far-away families in real-time, for one. But sometimes we tend to overuse it and end up neglecting things/people that mattered more. Like my kids for me.

So here was a challenge I gave to myself about a week ago - to keep my time with technology at bay, and spend more time listening to and playing with my kids.

My action plans? 1) Sit down in front of the computer at nap times and bed times only, and/or when/if the man of the house lets me get a little break when he gets home; or when the boys want some "Jabbawockeez" dance routine moment. 2) Eat meals with them at the dining table, without my phone. This hasn't been a problem to me but I want to set an example to them, too. 3) If they do have to watch a movie, lie down on the couch and have them have a go with their "lambing" (cuddles) with me. 4) More reading and story times! I used to be great at this when we only had one child. I want to bring it back. More outdoor things done with them. Well maybe after potty training.. haha! 5) Moderation is key. Of course there are times I really have to be with technology and they need to know they don't always get everything and all of my attention all the time. Do all things in moderation - they need to learn some things by themselves and I need to do things I enjoy by myself sometimes, too. For example, sometimes I read a book while they play with each other and that's not bad, as long as I can pay attention to them as well.

 Recently I've limited my technology activity to posting my 100 Happy Days post for the day. And maybe a half hour of Facebooking here and there. Like I said, I am trying to do things in moderation. Besides, I can't sit in front of the computer for more than 30 minutes (yeah my back is killing me right now, actually).

Last thought for this long post, I was skimming through some blog posts earlier after I put the boys to bed (yay, Pull-Ups time!). Most of the comments on this one blog defended themselves together with the blogger how sometimes they really just need to be with technology even when they are at the park with their kids. I only scrolled through some and what I've noticed is this: they always have more than enough things to juggle. They have their own business (photography), blog to maintain, Facebook group to admin (2 or 3 of them), work emails, plus school and homeschooling, photo editing, etc. These are all good and I don't judge them at all. Sometimes it is what it is.

I am one of the lucky moms who had the chance to choose to stay home with our kids full-time. Some moms don't have that option, especially the single moms. And because of that, because of their own individual situation, they have to juggle a lot of things. And that's understandable. As for me though as a stay-home mom with a spouse, and this is just my opinion... if all those work load gets all of my time away from my kids even when I am with them physically and even when I say that I'm doing it for them, then I think it's not worth it. Maybe take away the work load that's not really that important, and lessen the load gradually so the extra time can be put with the family and loved ones. Let's try to put it in the eternal perspective - we aren't taking our Facebook-administered group in the next life, or our work emails, or our photography business, or what-not. The kids are only young for a fraction of our lifetime.

We decided I stay home for a reason and if I lose that purpose by spending too much of my time somewhere else, I think I will have just failed greatly. Everything in moderation. Other people really don't have a choice but to juggle multiple things in order to sustain their family. In my whole life's experience, though, more often than not we do have a choice where we put most of our time to. It is not so much as to the quantity of time spent with your loved ones, than is the quality as well. I will try to give both as much as I can. That is my goal for myself and my family.

Sorry if this sounded like a lecture or a "holier than thou" post. I didn't mean it to be. It's just one of those days where I have a screaming thought in my head and I have to write it down fast enough for me to remind myself someday.

Note to Self - Comparing Ourselves to Others

 I'm trying to limit my time now on internet use that's why I haven't posted in my blog lately.

I love Pinterest. I love "pinning" stuff that I want to do. I love getting tips on how to clean this or how to make that. I love seeing do-it-yourself crafts, homemade alternatives for household cleaners, and lessons for our kids. Sadly, though, because I'm such a lazy bum with these kind of stuff, I just keep on pinning and never get to do a thing which then led me to feeling down about myself. All these things I want to make and the physical change I want to do (believe it or not I have a board for make-up and hairstyles and outfits because I don't dress up like a girl), I just can't seem to do them. And yet some mothers can. And when I am about to feel sorry for myself, I keep reverting my head back to this quote (which I also found on Pinterest):

I love this talk from Pres. Uchtdorf from last year's General Conference entitled "Forget Me Not." Let me add some more of what he said:

"In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvements. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life's sweetest experiences." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

And there's also this one from the book that my mom gave me when my husband and I lived in Hawai'i:

"Some mothers seem to have the capacity and energy to make their children's clothes, bake, give piano lessons, go to Relief Society, teach Sunday School, attend parent-teacher association meetings, and so on. Other mothers look upon such women as models and feel inadequate, depressed, and think they are failures when they make comparisons . . . Sisters, do not allow yourselves to be made to feel inadequate or frustrated because you cannot do everything other seem to be accomplishing. Rather, each should assess her own situation, her own energy, and her own talents, and then choose the best way to mold her family into a team, a unit that works together and support each other. Only you and your Father in Heaven knows your needs, strengths, and desires. Around this knowledge your personal course must be charted and your choices made." - Marvin J. Ashton

There are a lot of things I need to work on myself, that I know for sure. I am not perfect and I don't do things perfectly. I am not a superwoman who can go to work, take care of our kids, make some crafts or sew some blankets, or what have you all at the same time. I can't even remember what I learned in my major. I am not good with a lot of things and I don't know a lot of things that other people my age know. It sometimes makes me feel stupid and dumb. But what I know is that despite my imperfections and weaknesses (that I'm still working on), I know that I love my husband and our kids so much and that I am trying to improve as a wife and mother. I have a husband who loves me for who I am and is really patient with my weaknesses. Our children loves me, too, and they trust that I can give them love and comfort. I also know that Heavenly Father knows me more than I know myself, and that He loves me. And through His help, I can improve on things I want to improve on based on my "... own situation, [my] own energy, and [my] own talents."

Note to Self - It's ... Staying In Love

21 was my planned earliest age to get married when I was still just barely in 6th grade. When I was a teenager, I have always been wondering who among the guys I've met in my life (or will meet since then) will turn out to be my future spouse.

One day I turned 21 years old. Months passed when I became really down and depressed not because I couldn't find 'the one' but because of something else. I was in a different country, far away from my family and had no one to talk to so I sent an email to my mom telling her about my problem. A part of my email had these thoughts from my very young mind:

When I was young, maybe when I was 11, I used to think how much love it took for all parents in this world had to have before they married their spouse, how hard married life is, and how couples endured those hard times. I had no idea because I was young. But now, eventhough I don't have the complete idea yet, at least I have a few. When we marry, sacrifice will always be there (especially sacrificing your own pleasures and interests), selflessness and consideration, understanding, patience, appreciation, endurance, charity, meekness and humility, kind words and good communication, and most important is love... and keeping it alive no matter how much it would seem to die in the years that passes by. It's being in love and staying in love always, and keeping it that way til your hair turns gray and your skin becomes wrinkly and your sight blurs, no matter how much it wants to die out.  Marriage is a team... efforts must be done together both by the couple with the aid of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. "Neither is the man without the woman and neither is the woman without the man... in Christ". These are the few things I learned about marriage as years passed and as I prepared myself for it. It's not complete yet... but it's a fairly good amount of knowledge to start with. I know there will be more sooner or later.

I got married 11 months after I sent this email. I was glad I came across this just a few days ago. My innocent, younger self reminded me, even besides being single at the time, some things about marriage that I have to remember forever. And she was right - there were more things learned since then, and there will always be things to be learned as the years go by. I can honestly say that in our marriage, I'm the one who needs a lot of improvement. I love being married and I love my husband. I am so blessed with a loving husband. He loves me and he loves our children so much. We are not perfect at it but I can see that he's trying everyday to include our Savior in the center of our daily lives. And I admire him for that.

Note to Self - A Father's Faith

It's been quite a few months (after our second baby was born) since hubby and I were able to watch a movie at home after the kids went to bed. Some of our (or MY) reasons were I was too tired, our second baby was still too young (and still woke up a lot of times during the night and we needed to get as much sleep as we could), and hubby was studying for his CPA exam. Well, now that both kids are sleeping through the night, hubby's taking a few days' break from studying, and even though I am still always tired at the end of the day, we can now watch a movie or at least an episode of a TV show after the kids had gone to bed. Last night, hubby and I watched this:

(Life in A Day)

Here's a synopsis from Netflix about this movie:

"After thousands of people around the world joined together to record banal and remarkable everyday events on July 24, 2010, director Kevin MacDonald led a team of editors to condense more than 4,500 hours of video into this picture of life on Earth."

We both got curious about it so we watched it. I liked it. It was pretty much like the "Babies" that came out last year. There was one scene, though, that got stuck in my head. It's about a widower and father who lives in a cemetery with his kids. I don't know where they're from and we only read the subtitles from what he said.

His 20 year-old son (the eldest of the children) is mentally retarded and the father couldn't go out to work because nobody else is going to watch after his children (living in a cemetery and all). Fourteen people live in their little place where they have no electricity, no water, no drainage. You can see the mud all over the place and even all over the childrens' body and clothing. Flies are everywhere. My heart broke when I saw a baby peacefully sleeping despite their condition. Then at the end of that short clip, the father said this:

"... But we are still alive. God will not forget us. He created us. That is what I believe. God wouldn't have created all these population just to forget us."

What a tremendous faith! Despite their condition, he still had great faith in God. It was a perfect reminder for me that no matter how many people are in this world, He knows each of them and is mindful of them. He is mindful of me and my family, no matter what circumstances we may encounter now or in the future. I have to remember that.

He said in Moses 1:37:

Note to Self - It Is What God Gave You Time For

There are so many things I want to do but I 'chose' not to because I have other priorities - our kids. But there are days that I sometimes wish I could just disappear and do everything I want (my hobbies mostly). Of course, I am thankful for our sons but I guess I can say it's also just human for me to sometimes wish that I can spend a lot of time for myself - to read books, to scrapbook, to go to places (w/o kids in tow), etc. 

Tonight my husband read something to us (yes, including our two sons) as we all just "hung-out" in our bedroom - actually ON our queen size memory foam bed. It was a talk given by Elder Neil L. Andersen on last month's General Conference. There was one paragraph that really hit home to me. He said:

Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of having children or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family. My daughters recently referred me to a blog written by a Christian mother [not of our faith] with five children. She commented: "[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. ... Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get." She then adds: "Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze time in. It is what God gave you time for."

Well, that being said, I felt guilty right away and thankful (for that message) at the same time. She (whoever she is) is right: motherhood is a calling. Never mind my hobby to make greeting cards or read books.  My calling is with my family. We (my husband and I) are raising God's children and He entrusted us to meet their needs physically, emotionally, and spiritually (with His help). It is indeed a divine calling. My family is what God gave me time for. I have to remember that.

Side note: I love stamps but children are definitely CUTER than stamps. Hehe!

Note to Self - Babies Don't Keep

I loved the lesson given by our Relief Society President at our Relief Society class last Sunday. It was very timely for me. In summary, we were reminded that our children are what's important, not our things that we have or that we need to get done. Sometimes I tend to worry so much about keeping our house clean and organized. She shared a poem to one of the sisters and I asked our RS President to email it to me too... as a note to myself...

Cooking and cleaning can wait 'till tomorrow,
For babies grow up,
We've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.







Here's the whole poem (not sure if it's the original) from my searches on the Web:

Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo)
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo)
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo)

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow
For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.